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So You Want To Be In A Rock Band? (Part 1)

Editorial written by PuSSyCaT

As I turned up for rehearsals the other day, my Stage Manager greeted me in her bright orange shirt. I smiled to myself as I looked at the picture of "Sid Vicious" smoking at the front and a caption reading, "Drugs Kill". I hardly knew much about her as we had just started working together, so during a break, we started talking.

ME: Hey, come and watch my band perform in December, yeah?

HER: Oh, youíre in a band? What do you play?

ME: Lead vocals and keyboard.

HER: What kind of music?

ME: Heavy metal.

HER: Ok cool. I want to be in a band too!

ME: *shrug* Then be in one.

HER: *frown* But I donít know how.

ME: Donít know how to what?

HER: I donít know how to be in one - Where to find one?

ME: Just search online, go to all the music sites.

HER: I donít know any music sites.

ME: Iíll write them down for you & you can go check it out.

HER: Ok cool, thanks.

ME: You play guitar or something?

HER: No, I tried to.

ME: *laugh* Me too, but didnít have the patience.

HER: I wanted to pick up drums though.

ME: Thatís cool.

HER: Do you always get performances?

ME: Not always - just when weíre lucky *wink*

HER: I want to perform in a band too - it seems such fun.

ME: It is! I love the whole feeling of it. So you wanna sing in a rock band?

HER: Not really a rock band... but yeah, I want to sing in a band.

ME: What kind of music are you into anyway?

HER: *thinking* Soul.

ME: ......

HER: *still thinking*

ME: ......

HER: *seeing my blank expression* What??

ME: *in a deadpan voice* Soul??

HER: Yeah? Well, I dunno! Anything, I guess! Iím versatile! I donít mind. I can sing soul, jazz, rock, hip hop.

ME: (!!!!!!!!) Hip hop?? Jazz?? Soul??

HER: Uh, yeah, I can sing anything.

ME: (!*^#^!@^&@) Ok, when I first saw you this morning, I was like, hey cool, nice shirt! And I thought when I asked you what music youíre into, it would be something along the lines of Sex Pistols or something!

HER: *sheepish grin* I donít know, Iím into everything...

ME: Then whatís with the shirt??

HER: It was nice, so I bought it.

ME: ......

HER: I donít know, itís orange and I like orange...

ME: Poser.

The bright orange colour should have thrown me off from the beginning. What was I thinking?? *Sigh* Anybody can get a hold of band shirts nowadays. Your regular Pasar Malam is filled with white Stone Temple Pilots, yellow Ozzy Osbourne, purple Nirvana & green Pantera t-shirts, all going for under $20. I see snotty brats wearing Linkin Park shirts, anorexic, anaemic Ah-Lians wearing Slipknot shirts, and old graying aunties wearing ACDC shirts.

No more do kids nowadays get beaten up for being posers, but there are actually large groups of them on the rise. Scary but true.

Just the other day, my Ďlil sister (who listens to pitiful stuff such as Ashanti, Jay-Z & Mariah Carey), wanted to borrow a shirt of mine to wear to a gig (only reason she goes to these gigs is because I threaten to burn down her room if she doesnít support my band...). She nearly ended up wearing my black Morbid Angel shirt, but decided against it - not because she felt it would be a bad idea to dress up in a band shirt she hasnít even heard of - but just because she think itís uncomfortable under the armpits and was also worried it mades her look fat. And this is my own blood? *sob*. I told her to go wear her own Backstreet Boys shirt (which I swear she has - no kidding).

This is also the same Ďlil sister who also asked me to help her find a band she could join. When asked what sort of music she wants them to play, she replied: "Something like Evanescence or No Doubt". Those are probably the only bands she knows where the lead singer is a girl. I gave her a list of music sites to check out, in return of a promise to leave me alone. When I last checked in on her, she told me she was going to join a Rock band, had nicked my Cranberries tape and was trying to memorize the words to "Salvation". This coming from someone who thinks Cliff Burton was "that guy from Oasis". Good luck to that band who took her in.
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