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Satire

Girl Speaks Her Mind About The State Of Local Music Scene

Satire written by Siv

17 year old Susan is a local born teenager who had just entered a local polytechnic after graduating from a well known girl's convent school (which will not be named to protect the reporter's ass). So anyway this difference between this girl and other regular Singaporean girls her age is the fact that she is, in her own words, an ex hip hopper-metalhead-goth-rudegirl-raver-skater-goth skater-very rudegirl-blader-breaker turned hardcore punk.

Speaking from her 5 room flat in Sengkang with her hardcore punk boyfriend beside her, Simon who is in his early 20's and currently serving NS and (yep you guessed it) is a hardcore punk for about 3 years after being a well known metalhead in the local scene. She told our reporters that she started listening to music when she was about 12 years old, influenced by her classmates in her "unnamable" girl's school. She listened to rap acts like Run DMC, Busta Rhymes, Eminem and so on and developed a taste of what she called, "exotic sensual beats" which unknown to her and many other hip hoppers around originated by tribal beats in the African jungles. But of course that's another lesson for another time. So back to Susan, she told us she was into the whole "beats thang" and how it made her "shake her booty" and "holler at her homies". Although we had no idea what the fuck she was saying our reporters just nodded in anticipation.

But after passing her PSLE with astounding, marvellous grades just like her fellow hip hopper friends, she ended up in the Normal Technical stream in her "yea yea we can't name that school I know" girl's school. And in her Sec 1 class she made good friends with a very brutal looking girl who had 34 piercings on her left ear alone and she found out that brutal girl was a metalhead. So due to direct peer influence, she dropped the whole "beats thang" and started listening to underground metal bands and finding ways to dress up in black or red and getting metal spikes and so on all over her body and instinctively scaring the shit out of her parents.

But things changed when after 6 months, she met her first boyfriend, a very depressed guy who just wanted to kill himself but ended up with her... and then went on to kill himself. As you guessed it, he was a goth, vampire wannabe who thinks that eating the fried blood on a KFC chicken was considered evil. But due to the depressive nature of their relationship where they would burst in tears whenever they tried to do something, like making out or just sitting and staring at each other, so Susan needed a break and drop the whole goth thing and decided to break up with her boyfriend.

Just then she happened to pass by a ska gig at youth park that day when she saw scrawny looking kids around her age, (she was 14 then) wearing formal clothing, "skanking" around and she found it cool. Sooooooooooooooooo you guessed it, she went for it. "I guess I was having an identity crisis, I found all these cultures cool so I decided to give them a try but I just didn't know what suited me", said Susan.

Then enter Sec 3, she ended up in a class full of ah lians with names like Candy Liu and Peaches Yeo and yeaaaaaaaa I heard you... she became a raver now, frequenting... ok she was too young to go to Zouk then so her only source of music were the 2nd grade made in Malaysia techno CDs her ah beng boyfriend, Pomello Tan, blasted in his modified yellow Honda Civic.

So after all that yearly changes we finally asked her why she decided to become a hardcore punk now and she told us that after meeting her current boyfriend who preached to her about the mission these bands play, she fell in love and decided to make saving turtles and whatever the hell these hardcore people wanna save a priority for her. She also said she found her boyfriend super attractive when he is up on stage with his BC Rich beast guitar playing all those power chords.

We asked her about how she felt about the local music scene in general and she told us that she is disappointed with the number of "conformists" and how the scene is plagued with posers who are in it just for the money and fame. "It's a very sad scene when instead of caring about the passion, all they care about is getting laid and the money and the booze", said Susan while calling out for her boyfriend who was in the kitchen downing his glass of Vodka neat and reading last month's edition of FHM Singapore magazine.

With that we leave you with a few thoughts to think about and remember to support local bands and please don't kick the reporter's ass when you see him in person, he is just very bored and lonely.

* Disclaimer: All subjects mentioned in the above article is purely fictional and any resemblance to any person living or dead is pure coincidential.
 
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