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Satire

Local Teenager Keen To Start Band Despite Mum's Objection

Satire written by Siv

Ang Moh Kio resident, Tom Har Ah Yah, 16 is a typical Singaporean teenager living in a 4 room HDB flat studying in a neighbourhood school nearby, but what makes him different from other kids like him is the fact that he has recently developed a new interest which may seem cool to his peers but actually scares his mother.

Speaking to reporters on condition of anonymity, Tom's mother, Mrs Har 43, a housewife had to say this to us in mandarin. "Tom was a very good student in school and a very good son doing his household chores as well as doing his homework but just recently when his classmate Ahmad came over to their house and he brought along a few CDs with evil satanic looking covers and they went into Tom's room and locked it. And a few minutes later I heard this very loud noise and at first I thought the banglas downstairs were doing some construction work but when I looked down the window I only saw Mr Peh trying to stare into the 2nd storey room window of Azlina the resident minah. But anyway I felt vibrations on the floor and I thought there was going to be an earthquake or maybe there was a circle line construction nearby but I realised this is Ang Moh Kio and there's no such thing... then suddenly I heard a very loud scream or shout or whatever that freaked me out and I realised it came from Tom's room."

It was at this point that Mrs Har burst into tears and she said in between sobs that when she went into the room she saw Tom and his friend, possessed running about the room banging into each other and nodding their heads violently. "But we were just moshing and headbanging whaaaaaaaaaat" exclaimed Tom, adjusting his spectacles. Mrs Har then continued saying that ever since that day, Tom became a changed person, he would spend every hour after school in his room acting all "possessed" and breaking things in his room.

Then Tom also informed us that he was planning to form a band with Ahmad playing what he called "Thrash metal". His mum almost fainted and muttered some hokkien vulgarities and had to be restrained by our cameraman when she started biting him and accusing him of being Satan's disciple. She then fired a warning shot at her son saying that if he dares start a new band, he will never see his mother alive.

"What rubbish" uttered Tom, "see what all that Hong Kong serials has done to her, getting all emo now... sheesh." When asked if he was still going to form that band, Tom replied "Hell yeah me and my infernal hoardes are going to unleash demonic hell on earth in this blasphemic universe and unleash all the powers of the 666 evil strings ARRRGGHHHHH" and then spat on the floor and stormed away to a jamming studio nearby.

* Disclaimer: All subjects mentioned in the above article is purely fictional and any resemblance to any person living or dead is pure coincidential.
 
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